Reconnect With Yourself in Motherhood to Live a Fulfilling Life

June 6, 2024
Cherina Hadley
Life, Mindful Mothering, Mindset, Self-care
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Do you long to reconnect with yourself, that part of you that feels lost, or left behind since becoming a mother?

So much of the discontent and disconnection women feel when they become a mother is the sadness or loss they feel around letting go of who they once were and the life they had before motherhood. I fully understand how challenging it can feel to reconnect with yourself, your own precious identity, when you become a mother.

Motherhood was both everything and nothing that I expected at the same time. And my sense of identity definitely took a big hit initially. Who was I outside of being my daughter’s mother? However, I stand firm on the belief that we don’t “become” someone entirely different, but rather that our identity moves and shifts to reflect a different version of ourselves. I fully believe that the YOU that you were before becoming a mum is still there, she is just struggling to integrate herself into this radical new existence that is motherhood!

Losing your identity in motherhood

If we don’t take steps to reconnect with, and embrace, this beautiful new version of ourselves as mums we can end up not knowing ourselves at all and we can begin to feel inauthentic, lose confidence in ourselves, find it hard to make new friends or maintain relationships and struggle to find meaning and purpose in our lives. We can end up living our life according to someone else’s rulebook, rather than a fulfilling life that is true to what we wish for ourselves. We will prioritise everyone else before ourselves (because we don’t really know what we want anyway!) and feel endlessly depleted and unfulfilled.

And THIS unfulfilled way of being and living is what we end up modeling to our children.

How to reconnect with yourself to live a fulfilling life

Grieve the loss and embrace the change

There is no question that transitions can be hard and there is fear and uncertainty of what lies ahead. There is often so much focus on “beginnings” however, that we sometimes forget that for every new beginning or big change, there is also potentially a loss of something that once was. And to truly embrace change we need to be able to grieve and let go of that loss. Becoming a mother is a huge change. Knowing that life as we know it has changed and that we can never go back to that previous version of ourselves is a big change to embrace. But embracing this change rather than resisting it is the first step to reconnect with yourself in motherhood. Allow yourself the time and space to reflect on this.

Get to know yourself again to find meaning and purpose

Focus on getting to know yourself now that you are a mother. The more time you spend getting to know yourself, loving yourself, and nurturing yourself, the clearer this will become. This can take some time. Invest in this time with yourself. Show yourself loads of self-compassion and self-love and your “youness” will start to shine through again.

For me it was making a cup of tea and spending some time before my daughter woke up, or during her nap, to do some really heartfelt journaling. I would explore topics like:

what is my intention for the day, for the week?
what are my boundaries?
what do I want to prioritise in my life (my values)?
what am I finding challenging?
how can I find a solution or a different way?
what is my soul yearning for right now? (from Rebecca Campbell)

Use these questions as a starting point for your own exploration.

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Get curious and rediscover your values

Taking time to rediscover your values as a mother, is about exploring what is really important to you so you can move forward with your life and with motherhood feeling like you are living in full alignment with who you authentically are.

Our priorities and goals can change significantly when we become a mother so we need to create space and opportunity for those values to become clear to us so we can then open ourselves up to all the possibilities. It’s also helpful to look at what you don’t want as well as this usually highlights what you do want (usually the opposite!)

As you begin the journey to reconnect with yourself, allow yourself to be curious and reflect on: What lights you up, what brings you joy, what you want to welcome in, what you want to leave behind, what causes you to shut down, what fills you up?

Listen to the whispers of your heart

In her book “Untamed”, Glennon Doyle beautifully illustrates the transformative power of rediscovering your values as a means of reconnecting with your identity. Doyle shares her journey of self-discovery, detailing how she reclaimed her sense of self by honouring her values and listening to the whispers of her heart. Through introspection and reflection, she unearthed the core values that resonated deeply with her, allowing her to realign her life with authenticity, fulfillment and purpose. Doyle says:

to live a life of her own, each woman must answer: What do I love? What makes me come alive? What is beauty to me and how do I take time to fill up with it?