How To Be a More Present Mum and Build Connection With Your Children
Do you feel guilty for not being a more present mum? Do you find you are too busy to truly be present and build connection with your children?
Mothering challenges us in ways we have never been challenged before and each season of motherhood comes with it’s own unique new curveballs! It’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily mum life — rushing from one task to another, juggling work, household chores, and endless to-do lists. This hectic and chaotic pace can make it feel very challenging to be a present mum by carving out quality time to connect with your kids. Not to mention the feelings of mum guilt for not being more present or worrying that you’re missing out on precious moments with your children.
Mum guilt and burnout versus moments of connection?
Not actively practicing being present with our kids can leave us feeling like we are falling short as a mum. Missing these opportunities to create beautiful connections with our children also means missing out on some of the greatest joys of motherhood.
Continuing to power through all the things that you “should” be doing instead of making the time to slow down, engage in, and enjoy those really present moments of connection with your children will inevitably lead to more exhaustion, more burnout, and more guilt for you… and connection-seeking behaviours, and potentially feelings of loneliness, insecurity and disconnectedness for your children.
So how can you be a more present mum?
Children live in the present moment and so when we choose to join them here, their joy, love and connection cups are absolutely filled to the brim! (“thank you, more please!”)
The chaos and hectic nature of parenthood is very much a reality but we can always choose what we prioritise.
Identify what prevents you from being a present mum to your kids.
What is it that pulls you away from really being in the present moment with your kids? Is it focusing on, or prioritising, jobs or chores? Is it worrying about finances/relationship/to-do lists etc? Is it feeling overtired or burnt out?
Prioritising connection. Play first, mum “to-do list” later.
Begin by flipping the way you do things. Give yourself permission to prioritise being present and available for your child before you dive into the to-do task list. And fully immerse yourself in these moments. During these moments, focus on being fully present and attentive to your child’s needs and emotions. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and give your child your undivided attention.
Enjoy the play or activity. Cherish it. Have fun! This is not only going to fill your child’s cup, but it will fill your cup too, mama. That connection your child will feel from you will likely be carried through into other moments in the day.
Connect with your child by practicing beginner’s mind
Practice beginner’s mind by really getting involved in what your children are doing and try to fully embody the wonder of what they are seeing and experiencing. Actually dive into the magic and wonder of their world…rather than flicking through your mental to-do list (or worse, your phone!) and just biding your time until you can get back to being productive!
It’s dropping our expectations and preconceived ideas about something, and seeing things with an open mind, fresh eyes, just like a beginner….looking at everything as if it’s brand new, perhaps with curiosity and wonder. That’s beginner’s mind.
Leo Babauta
Quality over quantity: be intentional with your time
It’s not so much about how much time but rather the quality of the time you spend with your children and focusing on being really present in the moment when you ARE spending time with them. Instead of trying to cram as many activities into your schedule as possible, focus on making the most of the time you do have together.
This means being intentional about how you spend your time and choosing activities that allow for meaningful interactions and connections. Whether it’s going for a nature walk, baking cookies together, or simply snuggling up on the couch and watching a movie, prioritise activities that foster connection and create opportunities for bonding with your children.
Intentional pockets of joy
Parenting educator and author, Maggie Dent, emphasises the importance of building strong connections and creating intentional “pockets of joy” with our children. She believes that meaningful connections are the foundation of healthy relationships and essential for children’s emotional well-being.
According to Dent, “Connection is the most important thing we can create with our children. It’s what helps them feel loved, secure, and valued.” By prioritising being a more present mum and building connection with your children, you can create your own intentional pockets of joy in your beautiful family.